ISTJ💞ISTJ
ISTJ + ISTJ
Introduction
Every relationship holds the potential for conflict and the potential for growth. What sets same-type relationships apart is the possibility of profound mutual understanding, as well as the possibility of going to extremes. Same-type relationships can be remarkably comfortable and supportive. Sameness is a blessing when someone knows you so well that they help you see yourself better. However, same-type relationships can also become a curse of deep dysfunction, if the worst aspects of the personality type are allowed to continue unchecked.
Thus, same-type couples should be vigilant about getting stuck in a rut of unhealthy patterns. They should make a conscious effort to challenge each other and steer themselves in the direction of relationship growth, via addressing the personal problems that hold back that growth. In other words, personal development and relationship health are particularly intertwined in same-type pairings. I will list common problems to look out for in each pairing based on functions. Remember that different people are at different stages of type development (consult the Type Development Guide for more detail). Not everyone will exhibit the same level of dysfunction, and some unhealthy patterns are easier to address than others.
Negative patterns to be aware of:
Unhealthy Si: monotonous routine life and/or perfunctory relationship maintenance behavior; nitpicking minor/trivial details; being stubborn about rituals, procedures, or logistics; unable to resolve negative past experiences; accumulation of grudges or resentments
Unhealthy Te: persists with plans despite getting negative results; unwilling to accept responsibility for poor judgment; rigid thinking and/or controlling behavior; focuses on work at the expense of personal life
Unhealthy Fi: cranky, temperamental, easily frustrated by conflict; does whatever one wants without consulting others; immature or reductive moral judgment; uses personal attacks to maintain/regain control
Unhealthy Ne: lack of openness to change; unwilling to address important future concerns; pessimistic attitude or resigned to negative situations; irritable, erratic, or easily taken in by terrible ideas when extremely stressed/unhappy
Ways to use your functions better:
Si: include each other in personal rituals, traditions, and routines; respect each other’s preferences and compromise as necessary; communicate carefully to ensure conflicts get resolved
Te: remember that a better strategy/plan likely exists and it’s good to choose the best way rather than the stubborn way; remember that taking responsibility for mistakes allows everyone to feel closure, learn a lesson, and move forward; maintain good work-life balance to free up energy for properly attending to the relationship
Fi: remember that conflicts are rarely black and white, so be patient to work through the gray and find a solution that allows everyone to maintain their dignity and integrity; stick to the facts in an argument and avoid attacks you can’t take back; process your feelings of vulnerability, helplessness, or powerlessness by simply admitting to them, so that they don’t possess you to behave in hurtful or regrettable ways
Ne: keep the relationship fresh by challenging and supporting each other to develop outside of well-worn comfort zones; during discussions, look at both the positives and negatives, in order to maintain a balanced and realistic attitude; when you’re unhappy, work together to heal the root causes properly, instead of relying on band-aids