INTJ💞INTJ
INTJ + INTJ
Introduction
Every relationship holds the potential for conflict and the potential for growth. What sets same-type relationships apart is the possibility of profound mutual understanding, as well as the possibility of going to extremes. Same-type relationships can be remarkably comfortable and supportive. Sameness is a blessing when someone knows you so well that they help you see yourself better. However, same-type relationships can also become a curse of deep dysfunction, if the worst aspects of the personality type are allowed to continue unchecked.
Thus, same-type couples should be vigilant about getting stuck in a rut of unhealthy patterns. They should make a conscious effort to challenge each other and steer themselves in the direction of relationship growth, via addressing the personal problems that hold back that growth. In other words, personal development and relationship health are particularly intertwined in same-type pairings. I will list common problems to look out for in each pairing based on functions. Remember that different people are at different stages of type development (consult the Type Development Guide for more detail). Not everyone will exhibit the same level of dysfunction, and some unhealthy patterns are easier to address than others.
Negative patterns to be aware of:
Unhealthy Ni: operates on unrealistic images of people and the world; puts too much pressure on people to meet ideals; unwilling to adjust vision of the future; only sees “lack”, blind to positive aspects
Unhealthy Te: persists with plans despite getting negative results; unwilling to accept responsibility for poor judgment; rigid thinking and/or controlling behavior; focuses on work at the expense of personal life
Unhealthy Fi: cranky, temperamental, easily frustrated by conflict; does whatever one wants without consulting others; immature or reductive moral judgment; uses personal attacks to maintain/regain control
Unhealthy Se: unable to be present for people; unwilling to acknowledge change and adapt to it; restless, impatient, or easily provoked; indulges unhealthy impulses or destructive whims when extremely stressed/unhappy
Ways to use your functions better:
Ni: do not presume to know someone until you have gathered information straight from them; remember that there are many different ways to live life well and your way may not be suitable for others; consult and plan together for the future and make sure that plans are reasonable, feasible, and most importantly, meaningful; don’t just chase goals like a robot, pause to enjoy your progress in order for it to feel fulfilling
Te: remember that a better strategy/plan likely exists and it’s good to choose the best way rather than the stubborn way; remember that taking responsibility for mistakes allows everyone to feel closure, learn a lesson, and move forward; maintain good work-life balance to free up energy for properly attending to the relationship
Fi: remember that conflicts are rarely black and white, so be patient to work through the gray and find a solution that allows everyone to maintain their dignity and integrity; stick to the facts in an argument and avoid attacks you can’t take back; process your feelings of vulnerability, helplessness, or powerlessness by simply admitting to them, so that they don’t possess you to behave in hurtful or regrettable ways
Se: make sure your partner feels cared for by giving them your full attention and listening carefully about their unfulfilled needs; when your partner presents a new idea or an unexpected change, take a deep breath and be respectful in giving it fair and full consideration; improve stress management skills and change your life to be more fulfilling, rather than allowing unhappiness to fester to the point of losing control