INFJ💞INFJ
INFJ + INFJ
Introduction
Every relationship holds the potential for conflict and the potential for growth. What sets same-type relationships apart is the possibility of profound mutual understanding, as well as the possibility of going to extremes. Same-type relationships can be remarkably comfortable and supportive. Sameness is a blessing when someone knows you so well that they help you see yourself better. However, same-type relationships can also become a curse of deep dysfunction, if the worst aspects of the personality type are allowed to continue unchecked.
Thus, same-type couples should be vigilant about getting stuck in a rut of unhealthy patterns. They should make a conscious effort to challenge each other and steer themselves in the direction of relationship growth, via addressing the personal problems that hold back that growth. In other words, personal development and relationship health are particularly intertwined in same-type pairings. I will list common problems to look out for in each pairing based on functions. Remember that different people are at different stages of type development (consult the Type Development Guide for more detail). Not everyone will exhibit the same level of dysfunction, and some unhealthy patterns are easier to address than others.
Negative patterns to be aware of:
Unhealthy Ni: operates on unrealistic images of people and the world; puts too much pressure on people to meet ideals; unwilling to adjust vision of the future; only sees “lack”, blind to positive aspects
Unhealthy Fe: unwilling to open up or trust; cannot acknowledge or accept individual difference; ongoing problems with guilt, shame, and/or oversensitivity to negativity; preoccupied with making everyone fall in line with expectations
Unhealthy Ti: poor understanding of personal boundaries; insecure, indecisive, unassertive, judgmental, or manipulative in the face of conflict; calls out faulty logic in others but fails to detect it in oneself; uses detachment to repress resentment/anger
Unhealthy Se: unable to be present for people; unwilling to acknowledge change and adapt to it; restless, impatient, or easily provoked; indulges unhealthy impulses or destructive whims when extremely stressed/unhappy
Ways to use your functions better:
Ni: do not presume to know someone until you have gathered information straight from them; remember that there are many different ways to live life well and your way may not be suitable for others; consult and plan together for the future and make sure that plans are reasonable, feasible, and most importantly, meaningful; don’t just chase goals like a robot, pause to enjoy your progress in order for it to feel fulfilling
Fe: address any fear of intimacy that holds you back from sharing; improve emotional intelligence so that you know how to process negative feelings together, listen to each other with empathy, and offer support and reassurance as necessary; remember that every person is unique, so be accepting of legitimate differences and give each other space for personal development
Ti: communicate respectfully, by asking for consent and not pushing too hard on each other with harsh criticism; know your limits - when you feel hurt or angry, allow time to cool down so that cooler heads ultimately prevail; put your heads together to analyze problems and discover solutions instead of letting conflicts simmer unresolved
Se: make sure your partner feels cared for by giving them your full attention and listening carefully about their unfulfilled needs; when your partner presents a new idea or an unexpected change, take a deep breath and be respectful in giving it fair and full consideration; improve stress management skills and change your life to be more fulfilling, rather than allowing unhappiness to fester to the point of losing control