ESTP💞ESTP
ESTP + ESTP
Introduction
Every relationship holds the potential for conflict and the potential for growth. What sets same-type relationships apart is the possibility of profound mutual understanding, as well as the possibility of going to extremes. Same-type relationships can be remarkably comfortable and supportive. Sameness is a blessing when someone knows you so well that they help you see yourself better. However, same-type relationships can also become a curse of deep dysfunction, if the worst aspects of the personality type are allowed to continue unchecked.
Thus, same-type couples should be vigilant about getting stuck in a rut of unhealthy patterns. They should make a conscious effort to challenge each other and steer themselves in the direction of relationship growth, via addressing the personal problems that hold back that growth. In other words, personal development and relationship health are particularly intertwined in same-type pairings. I will list common problems to look out for in each pairing based on functions. Remember that different people are at different stages of type development (consult the Type Development Guide for more detail). Not everyone will exhibit the same level of dysfunction, and some unhealthy patterns are easier to address than others.
Negative patterns to be aware of:
Unhealthy Se: superficial or short-sighted perspective; lacks inhibition (in speech and behavior); often driven by boredom and too easily distracted by strong desire for novelty/adventure/stimulation; unable to handle complexity or commit to difficult work
Unhealthy Ti: lacks self-control and self-discipline; lacks consistent and coherent principles for intelligent problem solving; rationalizes away mistakes; unwilling to confront faulty beliefs and negative consequences of actions
Unhealthy Fe: difficulty being firm and resolute without external validation; uses double standards to justify flawed thinking and biased judgment; takes from others while contributing little in return; uses superficial social charms, unfair criticisms/comparisons, or rigged competition to gain false confidence or feel superior
Unhealthy Ni: hampered by lack of imagination; fails to envision the implications of judgments and decisions; grossly misreads meanings and intentions; easily falls prey to delusional thinking when extremely stressed/unhappy
Ways to use your functions better:
Se: enjoy your hobbies and interests together, but don’t forget to include slower or reflective activities too; while being open and honest is generally a good policy, remember that the WAY you say/do things makes a big difference to the outcome; boredom is a sign that life is lacking something deeper, so work together to discover more meaningful activities or set more meaningful goals to strive for; learn to enjoy challenging yourself and the feeling of coming out stronger/better afterward, rather than running from difficulties or getting lost in frustration
Ti: ask yourself and your partner whether something is a good idea before diving in; improve your critical thinking skills so that you approach problems with a fair and impartial mindset that is accepting of the facts and responsive to logic; take responsibility for bad judgment because it is necessary for getting smarter and preventing mistakes from happening again; if you have caused hurt/harm, even if unintentionally, apologize sincerely so that you can both move on
Fe: while it is good to hear people out and get more perspective, you have to make the decision you think is best, and it’s easier to do that when you’re willing to bear full responsibility for it; understand that real self-assurance comes from mastery, not from social comparison or praise, so put more time into improving your knowledge and skills properly and heed constructive criticism; understand that real self-esteem comes from knowing that your existence has value, so contribute your talents to others and they will have a legitimate reason to respect and appreciate you
Ni: remember that the way one person sees the world is very limited, so be more willing to expand your mind and entertain ideas you wouldn’t normally consider; reflect on how you want people to remember you and why, work to be a person whom people will miss; avoid jumping to conclusions by always talking out problems together and getting on the same page; when unhappy, it’s natural to seek for answers, but a better approach might be to get “back to basics” of what you love to do, what brings you joy, and what sparks your passion for living