ESTJ💞ESTJ
ESTJ + ESTJ
Introduction
Every relationship holds the potential for conflict and the potential for growth. What sets same-type relationships apart is the possibility of profound mutual understanding, as well as the possibility of going to extremes. Same-type relationships can be remarkably comfortable and supportive. Sameness is a blessing when someone knows you so well that they help you see yourself better. However, same-type relationships can also become a curse of deep dysfunction, if the worst aspects of the personality type are allowed to continue unchecked.
Thus, same-type couples should be vigilant about getting stuck in a rut of unhealthy patterns. They should make a conscious effort to challenge each other and steer themselves in the direction of relationship growth, via addressing the personal problems that hold back that growth. In other words, personal development and relationship health are particularly intertwined in same-type pairings. I will list common problems to look out for in each pairing based on functions. Remember that different people are at different stages of type development (consult the Type Development Guide for more detail). Not everyone will exhibit the same level of dysfunction, and some unhealthy patterns are easier to address than others.
Negative patterns to be aware of:
Unhealthy Te: generates superficial solutions to problems due to being unable/unwilling to grasp the deeper underlying root causes; tends to shut down disagreement/conflict rather than work through it patiently and sensitively; quick to judge people as “broken” objects to be “fixed” whenever they don’t conform with expectations to behave “productively”; paternalistic approach to relationships leads to controlling behavior or violating people’s boundaries
Unhealthy Si: struggles with maintaining healthy routines; struggles with prioritizing and often takes on too much; fearful of making mistakes and tends to forget the lessons learned; one’s only tool for handling discomfort is micromanagement, compulsively enforcing conventions of conduct that make everyone miserable
Unhealthy Ne: pretends to be positive, unable to confront true extent of unhappiness; lowers expectations to avoid disappointment; tries to get ahead of undesirable situations only to make them worse; tries to deny/deflect responsibility for causing problems
Unhealthy Fi: out of touch with emotional needs and does not understand individual differences in emotional needs; can’t detect one’s own amoral/hypocritical behavior and the harm it does; oversimplistic and categorical moral judgment leads to lack of empathy; indulges self-pity and victim mentality when extremely stressed/unhappy
Ways to use your functions better:
Te: stop to listen to what people have to say about a problem to ensure that you’ve got ALL the facts; when you want to solve a problem, remember that it’s better to invest time to do it through friendly collaboration, rather than rush and cause pushback; remember that not everyone sees things the same way you do and that should be okay (it doesn’t necessarily mean that there is something wrong with them); when you want to engage people or help them,obtain consent and move with their input every step of the way
Si: remember to invest in your physical well-being so that you can always feel at your best; remember that not everything needs to be handled right away or by you, so learn to accept, let go, defer, delegate, or seek assistance as necessary to maintain your psychological well-being; remember that a person can’t only be defined by their successes, they must also own failures as a means to learn and grow, so there’s no reason to fear mistakes when you understand that they are necessary for becoming your better self; remember that there are many ways of doing things and you shouldn’t rob people of the opportunity to learn from their own mistakes
Ne: there are a lot of things that will make you uncomfortable in life, so gracefully accept discomfort and adapt to what life brings with an open mind, rather than try so hard to bury/hide your discomfort; avoid getting stuck because you fear to hope and get disappointed - a better strategy would be to learn to handle disappointment better and make lemonade out of lemons; before you jump into a situation or solve a problem, take enough time to think it through _methodically_ and review all the possible steps in order to ensure that you’ve chosen the best approach
Fi: understand that human beings are largely motivated by their emotional needs, so it will serve you well and make relationships run more smoothly to understand how to accommodate/fulfill them; when you expect others to live by a rule, you should also do as you say and/or readjust rules that don’t work well, otherwise, you have no credibility or authority through which to influence people; remember that some people need to process their feelings before they’re able to tackle a problem with a clear head, so allow them space to process without judging them or taking their words too much to heart - stay focused and objective even when others aren’t; when you’re unhappy, remember that every problem has a solution, so allow someone to step in and help you understand the underlying causes and come up with the right plan of action