ESFP💞ESFP
ESFP + ESFP
Introduction
Every relationship holds the potential for conflict and the potential for growth. What sets same-type relationships apart is the possibility of profound mutual understanding, as well as the possibility of going to extremes. Same-type relationships can be remarkably comfortable and supportive. Sameness is a blessing when someone knows you so well that they help you see yourself better. However, same-type relationships can also become a curse of deep dysfunction, if the worst aspects of the personality type are allowed to continue unchecked.
Thus, same-type couples should be vigilant about getting stuck in a rut of unhealthy patterns. They should make a conscious effort to challenge each other and steer themselves in the direction of relationship growth, via addressing the personal problems that hold back that growth. In other words, personal development and relationship health are particularly intertwined in same-type pairings. I will list common problems to look out for in each pairing based on functions. Remember that different people are at different stages of type development (consult the Type Development Guide for more detail). Not everyone will exhibit the same level of dysfunction, and some unhealthy patterns are easier to address than others.
Negative patterns to be aware of:
Unhealthy Se: superficial or short-sighted perspective; lacks inhibition (in speech and behavior); often driven by boredom and too easily distracted by strong desire for novelty/adventure/stimulation; unable to handle complexity or commit to difficult work
Unhealthy Fi: too emotionally driven and too averse to negativity; ongoing self-esteem problems due to distorted self-appraisals; too self-involved to acknowledge other perspectives; won’t address unhealthy, unstable, or unpredictable behavior
Unhealthy Te: stubborn and rejects good advice; inauthentic, due to sacrificing truth and integrity; desperate to prove oneself, through setting (ultimately) meaningless goals or expressing power in childish ways; judgmental and unforgiving of shortcomings and mistakes
Unhealthy Ni: hampered by lack of imagination; fails to envision the implications of judgments and decisions; grossly misreads meanings and intentions; easily falls prey to delusional thinking when extremely stressed/unhappy
Ways to use your functions better:
Se: enjoy your hobbies and interests together, but don’t forget to include slower or reflective activities too; while being open and honest is generally a good policy, remember that the WAY you say/do things makes a big difference to the outcome; boredom is a sign that life is lacking something deeper, so work together to discover more meaningful activities or set more meaningful goals to strive for; learn to enjoy challenging yourself and the feeling of coming out stronger/better afterward, rather than running from difficulties or getting lost in frustration
Fi: improve your emotional intelligence so that you have good strategies for coping with negativity and channeling it into productive activities; always try to appraise yourself and others in a fair and balanced way, by acknowledging both the positive (sources of pride) and the negative (sources of improvement); in order to avoid getting too self-absorbed, always share your feelings with your partner and talk things out together, sensitively and empathetically; make a pact to call out each other’s unhealthy behavior and help each other change for the better
Te: while negative feedback stings, bite the bullet and feel the hurt as necessary to hear the good advice you need to hear; while it is tempting to take shortcuts or make yourself smaller to achieve social goals, doing so will hurt you a lot in the long run, so remember to always take the right path instead of the easy one; remember that feelings are meant to guide you, not haunt you, so when feeling low or down on yourself, admit to it and find healthy ways of healing, rather than doing pointless things to try to prove your feelings wrong; remember that to err is human, so be more forgiving and work to make up for the error rather than casting blame and causing hurt
Ni: remember that the way one person sees the world is very limited, so be more willing to expand your mind and entertain ideas you wouldn’t normally consider; reflect on how you want people to remember you and why, work to be a person whom people will miss; avoid jumping to conclusions by always talking out problems together and getting on the same page; when unhappy, it’s natural to seek for answers, but a better approach might be to get “back to basics” of what you love to do, what brings you joy, and what sparks your passion for living