ENFJ💞ENFJ
ENFJ + ENFJ
Introduction
Every relationship holds the potential for conflict and the potential for growth. What sets same-type relationships apart is the possibility of profound mutual understanding, as well as the possibility of going to extremes. Same-type relationships can be remarkably comfortable and supportive. Sameness is a blessing when someone knows you so well that they help you see yourself better. However, same-type relationships can also become a curse of deep dysfunction, if the worst aspects of the personality type are allowed to continue unchecked.
Thus, same-type couples should be vigilant about getting stuck in a rut of unhealthy patterns. They should make a conscious effort to challenge each other and steer themselves in the direction of relationship growth, via addressing the personal problems that hold back that growth. In other words, personal development and relationship health are particularly intertwined in same-type pairings. I will list common problems to look out for in each pairing based on functions. Remember that different people are at different stages of type development (consult the Type Development Guide for more detail). Not everyone will exhibit the same level of dysfunction, and some unhealthy patterns are easier to address than others.
Negative patterns to be aware of:
Unhealthy Fe: overreactive to conflict and disharmony, unable to function well when in conflict with others; takes on too much responsibility for maintaining relationships; tries to please others or gain approval at the expense of oneself; too dependent on others for comfort/identity (and thereby too forgiving of people’s transgressions)
Unhealthy Ni: won’t slow down enough to accurately visualize implications; unable to identify pointless, meaningless, or overreaching behavior in oneself; can’t feel satisfied, happy, or fulfilled even when achieving goals; unable/unwilling to admit that one’s idealism is actually motivated by egotism
Unhealthy Se: difficulty being present to enjoy life; suffers from distorted standards of beauty and/or success; shallow mindset leads to craving for fleeting, superficial rewards; overreactive to setbacks such that emotional volatility sabotages goal attainment
Unhealthy Ti: easily made to feel confused, insecure, inadequate, and/or ashamed; unable to think clearly and analyze problems from a distance; conducts inquisitions or quests for truth to try to make sense of (relationship) problems; ruminates and becomes resentful, suspicious, critical, or accusatory when extremely stressed/unhappy
Ways to use your functions better:
Fe: improve your conflict resolution skills - understand that conflict in itself isn’t a bad thing, rather, what matters most is how you choose to handle it, in terms of whether you allow it to damage the relationship or use it as an opportunity to understand each other better; learn to draw healthy boundaries and divide up responsibilities fairly in the relationship to maintain a sense of equality; while you should lean on others for support when you need it, remember that it’s also important for your self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence to have your own personal life and defend it against violations; remember that relationships should be a nice addition to your life, not something that substitutes for a life - don’t make relationships into your whole world
Ni: in order for plans to go well, visualize all the possible paths/effects/outcomes; work with your partner to set meaningful goals for the relationship and ensure that it keeps evolving; get in touch with what you really want out of life and make sure it is reflected in all of your decision making; worthy ideals should always be backed by noble intentions, so check your intentions to make sure that you aren’t going to chase after the wrong thing or pressure people to live up to an impossible standard
Se: remember to make time to smell the roses, appreciate the simple things in life, and enjoy the fruits of your labor; remember that using status symbols to measure human worth enables stress, greed, envy, jealousy, and leads to existential emptiness; while it feels good to get short term rewards, don’t forget that existential fulfillment requires a big-picture, longer term vision; when you meet problems or setbacks in the relationship, step back and reassess the situation, rather than rushing in with half-baked ideas
Ti: instead of nitpicking who is right/wrong, take responsibility for your part of the situation by apologizing for any hurt caused and have a constructive discussion about what needs to happen for both people to achieve closure and move on; understand that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship and accept that disagreements are inevitable, so don’t take them too personally and always stay focused on finding common ground or an acceptable compromise; learn to separate who someone is from how they behave because we all have bad days and darkness that comes out unexpectedly, so refocus attention by pledging to do better for each other and put out the effort to make up for any hurt/loss; don’t ruminate when you’re feeling unhappy or resentful, rather, talk it out and/or seek resolution in a timely manner so your wounds don’t fester in the background - your needs matter too