Attraction by Type

How Each Type Handles Crushes

Developing a crush can be a harrowing experience for many people because of the intense emotions and the constant wondering about whether feelings are reciprocated. Here are some general descriptions that shed some light on how each type may handle a crush.

Select a temperament

How Your Type Influences Attraction

Attraction and romantic interest manifest differently across personality types, largely due to differences in cognitive function stacks. How someone processes emotions, picks up on social cues, and decides whether to act on their feelings is deeply influenced by their dominant and inferior functions.

Feeling types (F) tend to be more immediately aware of their romantic feelings, though they may struggle with how to act on them. Thinking types (T) often need more time to recognize that what they are experiencing is a crush, sometimes rationalizing their feelings before acknowledging them. Extraverts typically express interest more openly, while Introverts may observe and analyze from a distance before making any move.

Guardians (SJ) tend to be traditional and cautious, Artisans (SP) are spontaneous and action-oriented, Rationals (NT) approach attraction strategically, and Idealists (NF) seek deep emotional connection above all else. Select a temperament below to explore the specific crush patterns for each type.

ISTJ

Since Fi is in the tertiary position, how ISTJs react to a crush will depend on their level of emotional maturity. They generally have no problem stating their opinions, but they do not tend to be open with their innermost feelings.

ISTJs who aren’t good with handling feelings and emotions will generally have difficulty making firm decisions. They may get stuck in denial for a long time. They may get stuck processing feelings and miss opportunities to act. They may worry about acting because of fearing what could go wrong. Generally speaking, it takes them a long time to work up their nerve, so they prefer to take small and gradual steps whenever circumstances permit.

ISTJs who are better with Te-Ne tend to be more assertive because they know how to plan well and march resolutely, step by step, toward their goal. Their way of talking about feelings is matter-of-fact and they prefer yes/no responses. They may take an ambiguous response as proof of disinterest.

From the other person’s perspective: It’s not easy to read the feelings of an ISTJ, unless they are very annoyed. Immature ISTJs can sometimes be too pushy or critical because they haven’t yet learned how to be sensitive and tactful. They can also be very rigid and stubborn, which makes it difficult to connect emotionally with them.

ISTJs prefer to use concrete and practical ways to show their love and care. They are good planners, organizers, and problems solvers, so they lean heavily on this skill set in relationships. Mature ISTJs are very helpful people because they love to use their extensive knowledge for good. They tend to be unsung heroes, as people overlook their quiet contributions. If an ISTJ is willing to help solve your problems or remove your obstacles, it could be that they’re simply doing it out of duty or discomfort with loose ends, so make sure that it’s only you for whom they’re willing to go above and beyond. If they like you, they’ll actively look for ways to be useful to you.

Because ISTJs tend to develop relationships very gradually, it is more efficient to simply ask them whether they are interested, but they may need time to reflect upon it if you have caught them off guard. Generally speaking, ISTJs don’t like improvisation, spontaneity, or the unpredictability of emotional conversations, thus, putting them on the spot could help to reveal how they really feel, in the event they lose their footing and filter. If an ISTJ behaves weirdly awkward or sheepish around you, you should wonder why. If you’re not comfortable confessing your feelings, build up a good friendship with them first. Hopefully, over time, they will feel more and more comfortable and eventually be open to talking about feelings with you without too much awkwardness.

ISFJ

ISFJs generally fear rejection, so they are often not bold enough to express their feelings directly to the person, especially if they do not know the person very well. Those who are in touch with Fe-Ne may be more assertive and take the initiative to pursue a crush, in terms of dropping more obvious hints. ISFJs who have less developed Fe-Ne will be much more hesitant and timid, sometimes feeling paralyzed, sometimes proceeding extremely carefully with imperceptible steps. They may first learn about the crush from a distance or through mutual friends, if they cannot work up the courage to deal face-to-face.

ISFJs often struggle with emotional life because they are easily affected by the emotions of others. Generally speaking, ISFJs are independent in their own way and capable of taking care of themselves, due to being very practical people. However, when their focus is shifted onto another person in such a forceful way as can happen during a crush, they can lose their sense of stability. This produces anxiety and they will start to focus too much on the other person, thinking they can regain control over the situation. As a result, it is not uncommon for ISFJs to inadvertently lose touch with their own needs, emotions, and priorities and, instead, become obsessed with gathering every tiny detail about the other person.

From the other person’s perspective: You can tell an ISFJs likes you if you have felt a shift in the amount of attention they give you. Being adept at taking care of themselves and others, ISFJs often channel their feelings into thoughtful gifts and practical acts of service. It is also a significant sign if an ISFJ asks you for help with something, because they are usually self-sufficient and do not like the idea of burdening others. Some ISFJs may plan out a series of steps or challenges to test the waters, e.g., they may invite you out to group functions to see how often you attend, or they may do something slightly out-of-character or break their usual routine to see if you take notice of these small details.

Generally speaking, if an ISFJ wants to spend more time with you, chatting one-on-one, and they do little things to care for your well-being that they do not necessarily do for everyone, your chances are good. More mature ISFJs will make bigger and more obvious gestures, whereas less mature ISFJs may struggle with shyness/anxiety and behave more awkwardly or impulsively.

ESTJ

ESTJs are generally quite confident people who communicate openly and straight-forwardly. How they handle feelings depends a lot on how they were raised. ESTJs who are quite used to emotionally supportive environments tend to be more sensitive, loyal, nurturing, and honorable because they have internalized those values and know how to find healthy outlets for their feelings. Those who were brought up in harsher or cut-throat environments tend to have a lot of difficulty processing their feelings and emotions, usually projecting them onto others through critical or aggressive behavior.

Si-Fi gives ESTJs a very good memory of past failures. If they have a painful history of heartbreak, a crush situation is likely to make them feel vulnerable, which would manifest as skittish or passive behavior. They may try to rationalize away the feelings. They may try to resign themselves to never acting upon their feelings. They may look for “signs” to determine whether the relationship is “meant to be” (and feel very low/high accordingly), never able to draw any firm conclusion.

More upbeat and confident ESTJs are usually quite forward and open with their flirting. They use Te-Ne very well to take advantage of flirting opportunities until the crush gets the hint and reciprocates. The more confident they are about the outcome, the more efficiently they move in for the kill.

From the other person’s perspective: Because of inferior Fi, ESTJs prefer to use actions or acts of service to express their care. They will display much larger gestures of generosity toward those in their inner circle (while easily dismissing everyone else). To them, relationships are an investment and, the more they like you, the more of themselves (in terms of time, resources, and energy) they are willing to share.

Very immature ESTJs often struggle to open up about their feelings, perhaps even avoiding feeling talk altogether. Their emotional unavailability often attracts certain feely types who are convinced there’s more underneath, but, in reality, there is no real depth there. These ESTJs are more likely to treat relationships as transactions or zero-sum games. They are more likely to suffer from paranoia and expect the worst of people. They are more likely to have a harsh, controlling, or critical attitude that makes intimacy very difficult.

Mature ESTJs generally jump at the chance to make themselves useful, thus, they love to be needed and asked for advice. However, their way of helping others often leads to them ignoring their own emotional needs for too long. Thus, the way into their heart is to find some way to serve or pamper them, as a way of showing how much you appreciate their hard work in keeping life well-organized and running smoothly.

ESFJ

ESFJs tend to be polite and graceful in social situations and this can give the impression that they are very confident and well put together. However, they know how everyone is feeling except for themselves. It takes some time for them to go inside and get in touch with how they really feel, deep down. They can be slow to realize that they are crushing on someone and, when they are certain of a crush, they’ll fill up with strong feelings and emotions.

Mature ESFJs are better at managing their feelings and will use Si-Ti to try to analyze the situation and determine whether pursuing the crush is a good idea. But they can easily get stuck thinking about things in circles, or even accidentally convince themselves that they don’t have a crush when they do. This often leads them to consult with others and talk out their feelings at length, so sometimes it may be worth investigating what their confidants know.

Less mature ESFJs can feel quite flustered by a crush and this can result in them suddenly losing their social confidence in front of that person because they are not used to being so distracted by their own internal happenings. ESFJs are attuned to social status and have a keen sense of who holds more authority/power in situations. Thus, ESFJs who feel as though they have the upper hand will be more forward/bold about their feelings. But if they feel the other person is “out of their league”, then they will keep their feelings hidden or repressed due to lack of confidence or fear of rejection.

From the other person’s perspective: For less intuitive types, it may be hard to tell if an ESFJ likes you because 1) they can appear friendly to everyone, and 2) they themselves may not know how deep their feelings for you run. ESFJs tend to look for the good in people at first sight, so they can be very quick to like someone. This “like” can easily be mistaken as a crush, but it may not go very deep in reality. Some ESFJs may develop a crush just because they caught wind of someone liking them first, even though they never would have considered the possibility before that. In other words, ESFJs are suggestible, which makes it difficult for them and you to know their true feelings.

Once they are sure of a crush, less mature ESFJs might seem suddenly awkward or timid, maybe even avoidant, because they overanalyze their own behavior and end up tripping over themselves in (failed) attempts to control how they are seen by you. They may try to charm everyone around you, in order to catch your attention through showing off their social prowess. They may try to impress you by adopting your interests or hobbies, thereby creating opportunities to spend time together.

In pursuing a crush, mature ESFJs will usually pay more attention to you, make a point of remembering little details about you, dote on you, try to anticipate your needs, make doubly sure you are happy/comfortable, etc. Look at their behavior in relative terms to see whether they seem to be going that extra mile for you compared to other people. They will want to be near you, seek your attention or acknowledgement, and look for opportunities to show their affection for you in practical ways. Be sure to show appreciation for the nice things they do for you. They will start to doubt your feelings if you do not properly reciprocate their gestures in visible ways.

ISTP

With inferior Fe, how ISTPs handle a crush really depends on their level of emotional maturity. Due to Ti and Fe tension, their natural detachment can easily be threatened by the strong feelings and emotions that come with a crush. Since ISTPs are often not in tune with their own emotional state, they may not know how to handle strong feelings appropriately, and they can be confused about how deep the crush goes.

ISTPs who rely heavily on Ti-Ni tend to be more passive and calculating, especially if they lack confidence. They are likely to hang back, observe, and spend more time in proximity to the crush before making any obvious moves. If they are socially inept, they are unlikely to make the first move. They may wait to see what happens, or drop subtle bait to see if the crush bites. In the case of very emotionally immature ISTPs, their inability to handle feelings can lead to impulsive behavior, due to having a poor handle on Se-Fe. They may tease, criticize, ignore, deflect, send hot/cold signals, toy with emotions, etc.

ISTPs with a better handle on Se-Te tend to be realistically confident and have a good grasp of the risks of making a move. If they believe the odds in their favor, they will matter-of-factly broach the subject with the crush and see what happens. Because of being confident, they generally recover from rejection quickly, especially if there are other romantic opportunities available.

From the other person’s perspective: ISTPs love their personal time, so they are not prone to seeking people out except for practical reasons. Therefore, if they seek you out, take the initiative to invite you out, plan things for you, do things for you, and pay a lot of attention to you, you should feel confident.

Immature ISTPs are harder to read because they are more likely to try to avoid deep feelings and emotions. They may pretend to not see you while actually observing you keenly from afar. They may claim to not like you while actually thinking about you all the time. It is best to be wary of ISTPs who have a poor handle on themselves because they are liable to project their insecurities and criticize you for causing them hardship. Don’t play their games, instead, speak in a direct and straightforward manner that doesn’t allow them to deflect.

Mature and confident ISTPs will often take on the role of protector. For example, they may: listen intently to your problems and offer solutions, offer to “handle” people who bug you, talk you up when you lack confidence, do handy work around the house, take you around to run your errands, etc. They will also be more open about themselves than they normally would be with others, in hopes of creating some emotional intimacy. Excess excitement may bleed out and make them appear uncharacteristically enthusiastic, excitable, expressive, or engaged in front you.

ISFP

With Fi-Se, ISFPs generally enjoy the excitement of a crush. However, they are not usually prone to taking decisive action and prefer to nurture their feelings quietly at first. Less mature ISFPs can be completely at the mercy of whatever they feel in the moment. Those who rely heavily on Fi-Ni can be shy and hesitant about pursuing crushes due to lack of confidence. They can be passive, waiting to be pressed into situations rather than initiating. Since their feelings ebb and flow, they can be hard to read, due to sending out too many mixed signals.

Mature ISFPs tend to be more sure of themselves and, once they are certain about liking someone, look for opportunities to get closer. Those who are more attuned to Se-Te tend to be more assertive, especially in seeking physical connection. ISFPs do not usually plan much in advance or know whether they will make a move beforehand. They prefer to feel out every moment and take things as they come.

From the other person’s perspective: ISFPs generally hide their feelings well but an intuitive person would be able to sense subtle shifts in their behavior. Timid ISFPs observe you closely, scanning your words and actions for some sign that you like them back, or they may want to avoid you for fear of being discovered. Their inner turmoil will likely prevent them from taking any action, so it would be up to you to make the first move. More confident ISFPs look for opportunities to be alone with you, smile at you more warmly, giggle at your jokes, help you feel good, take more interest in you, compliment you, do things for you, ask detailed questions about your life, try to extend conversations, etc.

Most ISFPs can appear assertive at times, but it is often really just nervous impulsivity. Their feelings may boil over a little and then they’ll do something spontaneous to show their affection. They may test the waters with subtle gestures that could still be denied as romantic, just in case things do not go well. With Se, ISFPs can be unpredictable. When they feel overwhelmed or unsure, they are likely to pull back, which makes their spontaneous gestures fragile/tentative. This means you need to respond quickly to their little gestures because, without immediate feedback, they may start to doubt themselves and slink away.

ESTP

With tertiary Fe, the degree of emotional maturity is quite important. ESTPs tend to be the most bold in pursuing a crush. Being highly focused on the present, they are less likely to fret about possible failure. They also bounce back from failure relatively easily because they do not dwell on the past nor their own emotional state.

Less mature ESTPs tend to be assertive and opportunistic, often enjoying the process of the chase more than the resultant relationship itself. Relationships can seem somewhat interchangeable to them and meaningful commitment may not be their main priority. However, if their romantic feelings are quite strong, they may suddenly feel defensive, fearing that emotional vulnerability will ruin their usual sense of fun and ease. In this case, they may pursue a crush more carefully due to a sudden fear of failure.

More mature ESTPs are welcoming of strong emotions and utilize them to heighten the experience of courtship, influencing the other person’s mood in very positive ways. Generally speaking, with their natural confidence and infectious energy, it is relatively easy for ESTPs to attract interest. However, they might run into difficulties when it comes to maintaining a relationship over the long haul, if they haven’t yet learned to be accommodating.

From the other person’s perspective: The difficulty with less mature ESTPs is discerning whether they really like you or whether they simply view you as one of many opportunities. They will probably be quite forward with flirting, treating it like a game of strategy and wanting to feel a sense of mastery over your emotional reactions (and quickly moving on if you do not show any interest).

More mature ESTPs are less aggressive and flirt in a more innocently playful manner, trying to charm you with their good qualities, talents, or skills. They will probably want to spend time with you via shared interests, genuinely enjoying any opportunity to work well together as a team. Look out for little signs of intense sincerity/earnestness that they do not show regularly to everyone.

ESFP

When ESFPs like someone, they know it, but they may find it hard to decide what to do about it. ESFPs in touch with Se-Te are more bold and proactive, admitting their feelings without much hesitation. But, usually, these types of ESFPs are in it more for the chase than actually wanting a lasting/close romantic commitment. They generally get bored with people easily and are always on the lookout for better options.

ESFPs in touch with Fi-Ni will find themselves with an unexpected inner whirlwind to contend with when they develop a crush. Fi will compel them to nurse their feelings, making them hold back from pursuing a crush too quickly. On one hand, Se enjoys the dramatic flood of emotions that Fi brings. On the other hand, Fi can be full of trepidation. Because ESFPs are generally well-liked and confident in public, the high stakes game of romance can cause quite a bit of insecurity, if they feel it might lead to painful exposure or humiliation. They may unconsciously resist a crush because they do not like to cede control of their private feelings to others. Fi insecurity can be further exacerbated by inferior Ni, which can make them swing wildly between extreme confidence and extreme doubt. If they are unsure whether the person will reciprocate, any visible “sign” from them can be a source of emotional turmoil, pushing them in and out of the conflict between their Se love of excitement and their Fi need to guard their feelings.

Thus, ESFPs who are more in touch with Fi-Ni tend to proceed more carefully. If they decide they don’t want to pursue the crush for whatever reason, they may find it difficult to behave normally and be a bit awkward in front of the person because they feel like a “fraud” in hiding their feelings. If they decide they DO want to pursue, they’ll try to capture the crush’s attention by appealing to what they think the person might like/enjoy. They may (more intensely than usual) show off some skill/talent, lavish attention and encouragement, or joke/tease. They will naturally seek opportunities to be nearby, becoming more and more forward if they feel the person is reciprocating. Sometimes, these efforts will result in the other person making the first move, which will spare the ESFP from having to take obvious decisive action.

From the other person’s perspective: You cannot be sure that an ESFP likes you until they are certain that they want to pursue you. Until then, it will be a guessing game. If they only have a slight sense of liking you, they may act on it in more unconscious or spontaneous ways. Generally speaking, you can tell an ESFP has a crush on you if they want to spend a lot of time with you and yet don’t get bored with you easily, and they specifically try to impress you more than others. But, if they were wanting to hide their feelings, you’d have to look for them to suddenly behave a bit awkwardly or even uncharacteristically subdued, timid, or erratic around you.

INTJ

How INTJs respond to a crush largely depends on their level of emotional maturity, since Fi is in the tertiary position and may or may not exert enough influence. INTJs don’t tend to crush easily, thus, most will treat a crush seriously by carefully weighing compatibility and long term viability. INTJs are generally impressed by exceptional intellect, skill, or talent.

INTJs in touch with Te-Se are more bold due to generally being more assertive and confident, as well as feeling pressured by time constraints in achieving their goals. Their approach is usually pragmatic and matter-of-fact. They may lay their cards out on the table to get a resolution, one way or another. If they see hard evidence indicating you’re not interested, they’ll distract themselves with something else and let the crush fade away.

Less assertive INTJs may react more defensively, perhaps feeling blindsided and viewing the crush as disruptive. They may spend too long thinking about the crush and even miss the chance to pursue it. However, due to Ni-Fi intensity, feelings do not tend to go away easily, and they may suffer in silence for awhile. If they do decide to pursue a crush, they will use covert methods to gather information and strategically get closer, all the while looking for signs of reciprocation.

Younger INTJs can be quite romantic in their search for ideal companionship but may have a hard time finding it due to imposing unrealistic standards and/or having unreasonable expectations. They tend to hold themselves up to high standards and their perfectionism can easily bleed over into the search for a romantic partner. This can place unwanted pressures on the people they pursue, which may eventually scare them off.

Emotionally immature INTJs might find themselves unable to handle the realities of romance, and their frustration can come out in negative behaviors. For example, they may: give unsolicited advice; critique people’s shortcomings; push people to change (into something more palatable to them); put weird demands on people (to live up to some image of their “potential”); etc.

From the other person’s perspective: Unless you have great intuition, INTJs are generally difficult to read. They may speak their minds fairly bluntly, but not necessarily their feelings. Due to Te, their feelings are more likely to come out through actions or acts of service. For example, they may: pay more attention to you than others; initiate intellectual conversation with you more than others; want to figure you out (but not so much others); listen to you even when it’s not a topic they’re interested in; change their plans to make time for you; show you physical affection (but not others); go out of their way to help you; encourage you to work to your goals/potential; let you into their personal matters; etc.

As a general rule, introverts are attracted to extraverts for their ability to make socializing less burdensome. However, introverts can also be easily repelled by extreme extraverts who come off as overbearing or unreflective. Attraction is complicated and not just influenced by type. There are also idiosyncratic factors and environmental influences to consider.

INTP

Crushes usually bring a roller coaster of feelings and emotions, so the individual’s level of emotional maturity will make a huge difference in how well they handle the ride. When an INTP doesn’t know what to do with their feelings, they are likely to hang back, observe, and gather more information before making any move.

It’s important for INTPs to understand enough about a situation to avoid personal disaster, so they tend to proceed a bit slowly at first, to build up enough knowledge to make social interaction fairly predictable. Once good rapport has been established, they’ll grow in confidence, and overt gestures become more likely. When they make a move, it is not necessarily all planned out to a T. With Ne-Fe, they do enjoy some improvisation and riffing off whatever ideas/vibes people offer up.

INTPs who are more in touch with Ne-Fe are generally more willing to seize upon relationship opportunities quickly because they enjoy figuring out a new mystery or opening up a new possibility for happiness. Less mature INTPs are more withdrawn and much less likely to take overt action, especially if they do not feel confident in their social skills. Imbalance between Ti and Fe makes them more prone to misreading social situations, which can work against them when they’re trying to impress. They might come off as awkward or even repellent in their overtures, depending on how poor their social skills are.

Depending on their state of Ne-Si development, INTPs can get a little lost in fantasy, falling in love with an image of someone and not seeing the whole truth about them right away. Generally speaking, INTPs are attuned to factual evidence, so they will eventually come to their senses, given enough negative experiences. This is not to say that they are blind to people’s shortcomings; only that they may be slow to acknowledge them at first. INTPs with a good moral backbone are not easily scared off and do their best to accept people for who they are, within reason.

From the other person’s perspective: INTPs have their own sense of time and space, which can make them inadvertently a little oblivious to other people’s needs. But if it feels as though they are actively working you into their time and space, it is a very good sign. Observe the INTP for unusual changes in behavior. For example, they may: try to be more aware of your needs and fulfill them, make accommodations for you that they wouldn’t make for others, be more upbeat/expressive with you than others, make more effort to be with/around you, ask you questions to know more about your way of thinking, compliment you or make you feel good, show you affection, etc.

Emotionally immature INTPs are very slow to recognize and admit their feelings due to inferior Fe, so the feelings might come out in unconscious or overcompensatory behaviors. They might behave more clumsily, excitably, or erratically around you. Very immature INTPs might even become aggressive, critical, or inconsiderate as a means to cover up their own insecurity.

It is generally not a good idea to wait for INTPs to make the first move. Many INTPs are prone to procrastination, especially when their feelings aren’t yet strong enough and easily shunted aside. It is best to ask them directly about their feelings toward you, as long as you are prepared to hear the truth.

ENTJ

Due to Te-Se, ENTJs are usually proactive in pursuing a crush. It is important to consider whether the crush was expected or wanted. If ENTJs feel blindsided by the feelings, they may need a moment to get in touch with Ni-Fi and figure out what they really want.

ENTJs value long term vision, so they would pursue a crush if they felt that the long term prospects for the relationship were very certain as well as compatible with the rest of their goals/objectives in life. They will look out for any detail that might indicate a dead end or undesirable outcome. If they decide it is worth the risk, they will readily commit and carry out their plans assertively.

Te-Ni makes them approach courtship somewhat like a game of strategy to be won. They will analyze the candidate’s strengths and weaknesses, plan out their moves, anticipate responses, and generally enjoy the challenge of staying several steps ahead. If they have been deeply hurt before, inferior Fi is likely to produce some vulnerability/insecurity that makes them more attuned to failure. Such ENTJs might have a harder time shaking off rejection, which means they are likely to proceed in more cautious and careful steps.

If there is little sign of interest, more vulnerable ENTJs would cut their losses quickly and move on to better prospects, while more assertive ENTJs might rise to the challenge and double down on their efforts to win affection. Some ENTJs are immensely stubborn and cannot admit defeat, in which case, they can come off as too aggressive. Some ENTJs are immensely prideful and unwilling to spend more time than is necessary on someone, easily writing them off as a lost cause and ruthless eliminating “useless” feelings for them.

From the other person’s perspective: It is usually obvious when an ENTJ is pursuing you because, for them, it is all or nothing. They will be open and honest about their intentions when they are confident about getting a positive response. Time and energy are very precious to them, so if they’re willing to invest both in you, it is a very good sign. For example, they: do things for you, help you solve your problems, listen to you talk about things that don’t really interest them, check up on you often, offer their assistance without asking, worry about your well-being, etc.

It is usually not a good idea to leave ENTJs hanging. As soon as they determine that there is no future with you, they will try to move on. ENTJs can be fiercely loyal creatures, so some have been known to nurse old feelings, but this is no guarantee that they will wait for you. It is best to grab the chance while you can.

ENTP

Since Fe is perched in the tertiary position, it can have a significant effect on how ENTPs approach relationships, producing a wide variety of individual differences. ENTPs are natural explorers who like to meet new people and generally get intrigued by anyone who has interesting ideas or is capable of carrying on intelligent conversations. The average ENTP likes to receive attention that highlights their strengths/achievements, but they have a bad habit of brushing off criticisms/problems (rather than resolving them).

ENTPs who rely heavily on Ne will probably be more spontaneous as well as indecisive, whereas ENTPs who are in touch with their lower functions will proceed more carefully. Immature ENTPs might resist crushes because they do not like to feel controlled or restricted by outside forces or their own emotions.

Since ENTPs are very responsive to the external world, they are not very in touch with their inner world, especially because their self-reflective functions (Ti and Si) do not generally address feelings. It can take them a long time to figure out what they really want, so great patience might be required. ENTPs are open to many possibilities, so they may choose to maintain a wait-and-see attitude and allow things to develop organically until they feel more resolute. This can come off as non-committal to some types. To them, they don’t want to commit before they’re ready and risk causing hurt to people they care about.

When they want to pursue someone, Ne-Ti is fairly flexible. ENTPs like to adapt their behaviors to real-time details, cues, and signs. If they don’t want to make the first move for whatever reason, they might do subtle things to push and prod the other person to do so. They may just be direct when they believe the other person is likely to reciprocate.

From the other person’s perspective: ENTPs value freedom and independence, so if they’re willing to make sacrifices for you, it is a very good sign. Mature ENTPs will be more considerate, accommodating, affectionate, and initiating with you than others. Immature ENTPs will fish for attention, affirmation, or agreement from you, which can come off as a bit desperate.

ENTPs with a lot of negative experiences tend to be cynical, so look for them to be uncharacteristically upbeat, optimistic, or cheerful around you but not others. The average ENTP has a tendency to easily lose control of themselves and get completely caught up in fascinating discussions or debates, perhaps becoming a bit obsessive about topics they really care about, i.e., they will welcome you into their mindscape with open arms. Great rapport doesn’t necessarily mean they have a crush on you, but it is a great starting point to convince them of your romantic viability.

INFJ

Whether an INFJ can handle a crush well largely depends on the state of their Fe development. Mature INFJs who are more in touch with Fe-Se will be more bold and assertive, due to being confident in their ability to handle uncomfortable or difficult social situations. They may use normal means to develop a friendship with someone and gradually try to move it into romantic territory. Or they may be upfront about their feelings as soon as they feel relatively confident of reciprocation.

Less mature INFJs rely on Ni-Ti and are more likely to respond poorly to strong feelings and emotions due to poorly developed Fe. They are prone to defensiveness, overthinking, idealization, low self-esteem, and/or social anxiety issues. Due to poor emotional awareness, it can take them awhile to realize they like someone. They might spend a long time in denial if they are not ready to acknowledge their feelings. They won’t have the courage to be open and honest at the start. Attempts at emotional suppression can lead them to overthink and get stuck in analysis paralysis. They might fill the void of information by idealizing the crush, only to end up disappointed when the person doesn’t match their expectations. They are likely to closely observe (and obsess) over the crush, learning as much as possible about them, in order to discover the best way to proceed. Their slow processing of feelings and emotions can lead them to miss out on good opportunities because, by the time they feel prepared to take action, the person is already beyond reach.

From the other person’s perspective: INFJs value privacy and generally don’t volunteer a lot of personal information unless they have confidence in you and the future of the relationship. Compared to other introverts, INFJs are more likely to learn the benefits of masking their true feelings and emotions early on in life. Thus, if they don’t want you to know how they really feel, they will put up an impenetrable facade to keep you at bay.

Immature INFJs can be oversensitive to intrusions and easily overwhelmed by social expectations, so make sure to proceed cautiously and respect their boundaries, in order to avoid getting the door slammed on you. It is usually not a good idea to rush/push them too hard, but it is easy to inadvertently do so because they will not protest very strongly at first, due to fear of confrontation. If you don’t pick up the subtle cues of their discomfort, they can quickly come to see you as insensitive and uncaring and want to avoid you. It is probably a good idea to form a close friendship with them first because it gives them plenty of opportunity to gauge your trustworthiness and observe your readiness to accept their honesty. INFJs take relationships quite seriously and are very afraid of causing harm, so they are likely to retreat or sacrifice opportunities whenever they come to believe it is the ethical thing to do.

Mature INFJs understand people very well through intuition and observation, so they’ll send out signals that they think you’ll be able to pick up on. Look for them to treat you as more special than others. Generally speaking, INFJs are not so outgoing as to want to know everything about everyone, so if they focus mainly on you but not others, for reasons that are not entirely obvious, it is a good sign. They’ll ask about your preferences, your past, your family, your future plans, or invite you to have conversations about topics they are passionate about. They’ll go out of their way to check up on you, listen to your problems, and/or provide counsel. However, it is important to note that people often feel drawn to INFJs because they are helpful and very good listeners who can carry on quite lengthy conversations without ever sharing anything about themselves. Thus, it would be important to make sure that their interest in you is for personal reasons and not motivated by a selfless desire to help you. Mature INFJs appreciate honesty and the courage to be vulnerable, so you should probably just be direct with them if you are unsure about how they feel. No matter how they feel, they are always up for talking through situations thoroughly and making sure there are no hard feelings lingering.

INFP

Dominant Fi means INFPs are generally interested in knowing people well, usually through intimate conversations to discover shared preferences, interests, beliefs, and values. Identity is of great importance to them, so they want to know who you are and what you stand for.

Fi makes it easy for INFPs to know if they really like someone, but inferior Te makes it hard for them to decide upon the right course of action. Only INFPs with very well-developed Ne are able to be assertive and fully open about their feelings because it is easy for them to see the bright side of things and adapt, even when things don’t work out as expected.

INFPs without well-developed Ne are usually prone to confidence issues, so it can be hard for them to work up enough courage to act. They may feel more comfortable being friends first. Their empathic and gentle charm is great for winning friends. As the relationship grows and they wriggle ever deeper into the crush’s life, they gradually gain confidence and then entertain more overt gestures. Thus, with timid INFPs, consider being friends with them first, in order to show them that you are responsive to their comfort levels. This gives them a chance to learn who you really are.

From the other person’s perspective: Through Ne, INFPs are capable of enjoying a crush to themselves for quite a long period of time, without anyone knowing. They may use the “imagining” stage as a means to process their feelings at a comfortable distance. Emotions need to be expressed eventually, however, so sometimes you can tell what’s on the mind of INFPs by looking at their creative output, assuming you have the chance to see it. Love is usually the INFP’s greatest artistic inspiration. (However, getting lost in imagination can be counter-productive when it leads to unhealthy idealization or missing out on chances to take action.)

With Fi-Ne, INFPs are naturally curious about people. If they like you, their curiosity will become more intense. They will want to spend time with you doing things that make the both of you feel great. They will be very supportive of your activities and be there to cheer you on and cheer you up. If an INFP has strong feelings for you but wants to hide them for whatever reason, they will probably end up acting awkward or erratic when face-to-face with you, because they feel overexcited and have no place to release the energy in the moment. Look for things like uncharacteristically nervous smiling/laughter, strange giddiness, stumbling over words, mixed signals, obliviousness to surroundings, etc.

ENFJ

With dominant Fe, ENFJs are usually very focused on the feelings and emotions of others, which means that it’s good to be honest with them about how you feel, because they are well-equipped to handle it. Even when things get a bit awkward, the average ENFJ is highly motivated to smooth things over and make sure everyone walks away with their dignity. However, this strong focus on others means they often don’t pay enough attention to themselves.

The degree to which an ENFJ can handle social situations well depends on how much personal investment they put on the line. ENFJs usually have no problem acting confidently and boldly around those people they have little personal investment in. However, once an ENFJ starts to see a crush as fitting their ideal for a long-term relationship, the more they start to invest emotionally, the more they will expect certain results, and the greater the potential for feelings to spin out of control when expectations are unmet. If emotions spin out of control, ENFJs start to: behave more awkwardly, doubt themselves more, worry more about being judged, grope for affirmation, and/or overanalyze situations in circles. They aren’t used to feeling an inner whirlwind of emotion due to focusing mainly on others.

Mature ENFJs are generally quite assertive due to having great people skills. They trust in their ability to communicate their way through any situation, using their inner whirlwind as motivation and inspiration. They will take the initiative, do more to attract the crush’s attention, and more easily brush off rejection by focusing on the next opportunity for love. But ENFJs who have experienced traumatic hurt/rejection tend to lack confidence and fear rejection too much to take bold initiatives. They may exhibit avoidant, detached, or guarded behavior. They will only engage when they feel safe, i.e., emotionally supported, listened to, validated, and encouraged to be fully themselves.

From the other person’s perspective: ENFJs project an amiable and agreeable demeanor most of the time, so it may be difficult to tell how they really feel. Look for them to go beyond small talk and general interest questions. If they like you, they’ll want to know everything about how you’re feeling. They’ll also want to explore deeper ideas and topics that are important to them. They’ll expect you to listen compassionately and validate their perspective (as they try to do for you). They’ll try to impress you by appealing to your interests. They’ll do kind things for you, such as cook for you, make you gifts, or use their social network to help you out.

ENFJs are not always as open with people as they seem at first shake. If they’re revealing things to you that they wouldn’t normally feel comfortable revealing to just anyone, it is a very good sign. E.g.: things they are deeply ashamed of; past experiences that make them look stupid/incompetent; flaws, weaknesses, or shortcomings they don’t have a good handle on; etc. However, keep in mind that some ENFJs use self-deprecation to put people at ease. Double check that their self-disclosures are truly about sharing who they are, rather than merely a way to soothe your feelings. When ENFJs allow you to see the hidden sides of themselves, it generally means they hold you in high regard.

ENFP

ENFPs fall in love with possibilities and authentic connections. With dominant Ne and auxiliary Fi, they are enthusiastic, open, and genuinely curious about people. However, they can easily idealize someone or lose focus when something new and exciting catches their attention.

Mature ENFPs are genuine, warm, and direct about their interest. They connect deeply through meaningful conversations and shared values. They are brave in expressing their feelings because they trust in their authenticity. They seek genuine emotional connection from the start and have no interest in playing games. Their enthusiasm is backed by Fi depth, making their affection both exciting and sincere.

Immature ENFPs tend to idealize people, creating a fantasy version that doesn't exist. They may pursue multiple crushes simultaneously, confusing their need for exploration with genuine interest. Their initial enthusiasm can be intense but may fade quickly when something new and exciting appears. They fear commitment because they don't want to lose possibilities or feel trapped.

From the other person's perspective: ENFPs want to have deep conversations about values, dreams, and meaning. They won't settle for small talk. They'll include you in their ideas and future plans, enthusiastically exploring possibilities with you. They're physically affectionate and warm: casual touches, hugs, natural physical proximity. They'll share their inner world with you: their deep values, causes they care about, visions of the future.

ENFPs have a gift for making people feel special and seen. If they like you, their energy will be different around you: more focused, more present, less distracted than usual. However, immature ENFPs may idealize so much that they don't see your real flaws. When the fantasy breaks, they get disappointed. Their initial enthusiasm may be intense but inconsistent. They might disappear without explanation when they lose interest. Some may behave self-deprecatingly or awkwardly due to having lower confidence or excess nervous energy, which might result in some mixed messaging. They may try to encircle you by getting everyone around you to like them and sing their praises.

If you are uncertain about whether an ENFP likes you back, it's best just to ask them matter-of-factly. Try to be casual about it. Give them time to consider all the options, if you have caught them off guard. The average ENFP is sensitive enough to know the importance of letting people down gently and minimizing humiliation (since they don't want the experience to be negative for themselves, either). However, a very immature ENFP may avoid confronting your question and hope that you'll interpret their dodging as a 'no'.